Back-to-School Etiquette - for Parents
You can see and feel the anticipation: children clean and combed, parents and caregivers walking with them toward the school entrance on a warm August day. It isn’t the first day of school – yet – but a chance to get a preview of the campus and confirm your child’s teacher and classroom. Parents of school-aged children and their younger siblings peer through the darkened windows of the library, scope out the playground, note the location of the nurse’s office.
The beginning of the school year, even more than New Year’s, feels like time for a fresh start. Parents and caregivers as well as students are looking forward to connecting and feeling once more (or for the first time!) like part of a school community.
To be sure, parents can engage with and support their children’s learning without regularly spending time on campus. But there is an extra bond that many families form through school-based interactions: whether it’s casual sidewalk conversations during drop-off or pick-up, interactions with the front office staff, getting to know other parents at a PTA (Parent Teacher Association), ELAC (English Learners Advisory Committee), or AAPC (African American Parent Council) meeting, volunteering at the fall carnival or helping chaperone a field trip, our schools are places where adults as well as children have a chance to come together and build relationships that nurture our families and community.
That said, PEN believes how we show up at school matters. Whether you are new to having a child in school, or new to interacting in-person at your child’s school, or even if you’re a longtime PUSD parent – here are a few pointers for putting your best foot forward when you set foot on campus.
DO remember that you are a visitor, and expected to follow PUSD’s campus visitor protocols. Check in at the front office (there are usually sign-in sheets for visitors and volunteers) and find out about your school’s volunteer protocols. For everyone’s safety and security, all volunteers must complete the district’s volunteer application process. (Check with your school Community Assistant/Volunteer Coordinator to confirm your assignment and to complete the forms required.)
DON’T assume that you know what teachers or staff want in the way of support. Individual classroom teachers will have individual needs/wants/concerns and comfort level with volunteers being in their classroom. Particularly during the first several weeks of school, many teachers are focused on establishing classroom routines and expectations, and may prefer not having outside parents or volunteers in the classroom. (This doesn’t mean they might not appreciate help with tasks like photocopying or “wish list” items like hand sanitizer or dry erase markers.) In any case, it’s generally best to ask or wait to be asked rather than assume.
DO take the time to build relationships with other parents and caregivers. We tend to gravitate towards people who seem to have a lot in common with us, but don’t limit yourself to getting to know people who look like you or speak your language. One of the great things about public school is the opportunity to find common ground with people from all walks of life. That said, cross-cultural relationships can take time to develop, so be patient and know that you are helping create an inclusive atmosphere at your school.
DON’T go straight to the top. When you have a question or concern, it’s always best to start with the person closest to the situation – usually your child’s teacher. If that person is unresponsive or unable to resolve the situation, then it is appropriate to approach the principal or a designated staff-person who may be able to help. (See PUSD problem-solving guide). When you communicate with the principal, try to communicate with them concisely and clearly, whether that’s in person or through email.
DO respect the professionalism of teachers and staff. Even if you are a teacher, or have read articles about how a subject should be taught, or just think it would be better if people did things differently, it’s not your place to tell others how to do their jobs. Instead, ask questions and seek clarification if you have a concern.
DON’T be in a hurry to make changes. Parents often come up with and help implement great ideas at our schools, but the most meaningful improvements are come out of a shared vision and collaboration among families, staff, and leadership. Take the time to listen and develop relationships across your school community before jump-starting a new project or assuming you know what the community needs.
DO let your child’s teacher know if your child is struggling with academics or a social situation at school, or if there is something stressful happening outside of school that may affect his or her ability to participate or engage with classmates or schoolwork. There is a designated fall parent-teacher conference date (10/18), but you don’t have to wait to meet with your child’s teacher if either of you have a concern.
DON’T gossip! Of course, you would never… bad-mouth another parent or a staff person! The down-side of socializing is that we don’t always think about the repercussions of sharing what we heard. Understand that your relationship with a teacher or other staff person does not entitle you to be privy to information about other people’s children or other staff members. If you have a concern or issue about how something is being handled, PLEASE take it to the teacher or principal rather than vent on social media or with other parents.
DO let teachers, staff or administrators know you appreciate them. If your child comes home and excitedly tells you about what she learned in science, a quick note or message to the teacher: “hey – great science lesson today! Jordan really got a lot out of it!” is right on point.
Remember that there is a LOT going on during the first several weeks of a new school year. Everyone is adjusting to new people, new work routines, and new social situations. Give yourself, your child, your child’s teacher, other parents and everyone else time and a bit of grace – especially during these first hot-weather weeks of school.
If you’re not sure exactly how to begin connecting with your school or you’re interested in sharing ideas with parents at other PUSD schools, feel free to contact PEN. We will connect you with parents who can get you started. And, keep in mind, that when you sign up for a free PEN membership, you’ll become part of a community of parents who will support you no matter where you are on your K-12 journey. You’ll connect with parents from throughout PUSD, and have all the information you need to stay informed and involved.